I wanted to write about the birthday cake I made for Milo last year. It was the first birthday without him. He would've been 15, and he had only been gone seven months. So I made him what I called a "Heaven and Earth" cake, one with two different flavors and his name written across the middle. I ate a piece cut from the center, so it would feel like I was representing both realms. It actually helped a little.
That was a hard day, and I wanted to write about all of that, and show pictures of the cake and birthdays past. Ah, birthdays past. That's where the trouble started. Scrolling through all of those pictures, all of those memories to put on the blog.
The next thing you know I am sitting on the bathroom floor, crying, back to that feeling of utter disbelief that he is gone, that I am in this world without him. I try not to let myself cry anymore. It is too overwhelming, and if I let it happen, I would be crying every day. People who know me probably think I have dealt with Milo's death fairly well. But the truth is, I think about him every day. Every day. I wake up in the morning and I open the blinds, and I look up at the sky and I whisper, "Good morning, Milo." And at the end of the day, before I close the blinds, I look up at the stars and the moon and I whisper, "Goodnight, Milo." That is how I start and end each day.
I saw this quote recently on the Mutts Facebook page, and it really sums things up perfectly: "Once you have had a wonderful dog, a life without one, is a life diminished." And sometimes I hate to admit that because I know how lucky I am to have Spot. I know how empty my life would be without him. But loving another dog doesn't make me stop loving Milo, and it certainly doesn't make me stop missing him. I can't explain my grief very well. It is what it is, and a life diminished is how it feels. At the moment I feel like I am at the bottom of a hill, trying to climb back up. I know my grief is a journey. But knowing that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.
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| Milo's 8th Birthday |
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| "All of these balloons for me, Mummy?" Milo's 12th Birthday |
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| Milo's 14th Birthday, the last we celebrated together. |
The next thing you know I am sitting on the bathroom floor, crying, back to that feeling of utter disbelief that he is gone, that I am in this world without him. I try not to let myself cry anymore. It is too overwhelming, and if I let it happen, I would be crying every day. People who know me probably think I have dealt with Milo's death fairly well. But the truth is, I think about him every day. Every day. I wake up in the morning and I open the blinds, and I look up at the sky and I whisper, "Good morning, Milo." And at the end of the day, before I close the blinds, I look up at the stars and the moon and I whisper, "Goodnight, Milo." That is how I start and end each day.
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| He loved swinging on the swings. I loved him so much. |
I saw this quote recently on the Mutts Facebook page, and it really sums things up perfectly: "Once you have had a wonderful dog, a life without one, is a life diminished." And sometimes I hate to admit that because I know how lucky I am to have Spot. I know how empty my life would be without him. But loving another dog doesn't make me stop loving Milo, and it certainly doesn't make me stop missing him. I can't explain my grief very well. It is what it is, and a life diminished is how it feels. At the moment I feel like I am at the bottom of a hill, trying to climb back up. I know my grief is a journey. But knowing that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.
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| photo property of Muttscomics.com |
"Nothing can come between
you and I
Not even the gods above
can separate the two of us
No, nothing can come between
you and I..."
I miss you, my friend.
Lyrics by One Direction
Writer(s): Julian C. Bunetta
Copyright: Holy Cannoli Music
Beautiful. I can only imagine the loss I will feel when, God help me, I lose one of my doggies. My son recently lost his dog (his dad's) and still, we have moments where it seems important that he should be involved, and he's not. Just like that, we are both sobbing babies. Thank you for sharing this.
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading it!! I know you understand, and may you have many more happy years with your fur babies!! So sorry about your son's dog. :(
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